Andersenz

proof.









i know ive showed these to you Paul but anyone else who has an opinion on painting or not would be appreciated. I am debating between black or white borders if i do anything and depending on where i am hanging it, the back panel would be the same as the wall. Im leaning towards all natural. thoughts?

LIGHT BOXES!!!!

a long weekend of cutting, measuring, and vice gripping.... the boxes are nearly finished and i will post photos soon.

TJ Demos

so... Wow. My head is swimming a bit but when i say i enjoyed this lecture im not trying to get in good graces or kiss anyones feet (that would be you Paul). Many of the ideas presented in his lecture are extremely relevant to my interests and the subject matter that i tend to pursue which made what Im sure could have been a long hour into a really wonderful opportunity to discover some reference points and get insights into other artists dealing with social/political issues in different mediums and styles. There are about 100 different branches of thought that I went through as he was talking but I'll stick to some of the main issues that seemed most relevant and interesting for the topics he adressed. The first real hook for me was his qualification of the politics of aesthetics (I believe in reference to Steve McQueen). This resonated with me because it is such an integral part of documentary style film making as well as photography. There are so many different approaches and techniques that can be used when deciding how to handle aesthetics and imagery within one's work and no decision can be taken without understanding its possible impact. I was extremely interested in the use of the ambiguous character versus a more realistic portrayal of the people he encountered because it really does have a large influence upon the audience's perception of the subject and their place within the environment. I tend to be drawn to what is considered a more traditional and straightforward presentation but I like the gray area that comes with combining a very real place, time, and individual with a more abstracted image. This gives the story a different kind of potential than it had before. But again, as TJ mentioned, this also creates the possibility of losing the person within the environment and leaving them without true identification or leverage to become part of a bigger idea or movement which is typically the intention of documentary projects in the first place. It is a fine balance to be able to show the character of a person or group of peoples without injecting too much of anything which might compromise the effectiveness of the work.... which brings me to the second topic that really stuck with me and got me quite worked up towards the end. The discussion of the "success" of these artists who show their work in galleries but deal with subject matter that is considered to be something that requires mass consumption to some degree if it is considered insightful, meaningful, or worthwhile. However, while this could be true to a certain end I think deeming any kind of work such as this as a failure is taking away the very core of its purpose and ultimately letting the kinds of ideas that the work is attempting to question have the upper hand. There is quite an obsession with being a certain kind of art and fitting into its mold. I have experienced a lot of this in my time here at VCU. There are rules and legacies that have been handed down long before many of these people even picked up a camera. What i truly respect and appreciate about work such as this is that it is questioning so many of these conventions that we accept as our own truths. It brings up the connection between artist and audience but is not defined by it's qualified success or failure. I think that if any of the people that were mentioned in the lecture today had any kind of hesitation about whether or not they believed in what they were doing or the value of pursuing the effects essentially that come from globalization they would not have created such relevant and thought-provoking work. They would have their insecurities and questions littered all over their films and they would be unbearable to watch. It is easy to want to define things, it is easy to say that something is understood... but the reason that documentary has such integrity for me is that it is undefinable, there is no right or wrong answer, there are no clear definitions of current thoughts or movements. It is not until we are able to look back at time and understand what we were and what we are becoming. Whether an image is clear enough to show the 10th hour of stubble on a man's cheek or so blurred that we are left with a silhouette against some romantically lit background, the stories are able to build upon one another. I dont believe that any single work will ever stop the negative aspects of globalization for example. At best we can hope that the discussion continues and that people see it is worthwhile to understand the devastating effects that this kind of boldness can have upon an entire continent as it has in the majority of Africa. It frightens me to think that it takes CNN or Headline news to get people to care about something or at the very least to spend time thinking of it and perhaps changing their own actions even in a minor way. As artists we are here to make comments on the society we live in... I would hope that being successful in this aspect is not reliant upon the rigid definitions of success that exist in the exact same society that we are here to question.

Alone vs lonely

When i was about 16 years old I read the book Into the Wild by John Krakauer. Most people know the story these days because it was recently made into a film directed by Sean Penn. I watched the movie this weekend and while it didnt do the same for me that the book was able to, it conjured up some of the same feelings that i remember from that point in my life. The book is the story of Chris McCandeless, a young about the same age as I am now who decides to erase his identity and make his way accross the country without any kind of money or plan beyond reaching Alaska where he will live alone "in the wild" as he called it. He is extreme in his actions, thoughts, and quite radical with his approach according to most standards. But as I read about the story of his journey I couldnt help but identify with him more than not and began to wonder if he was not radical at all but that the standards of the things around us have become the most radical. I respect him most for the fact that he was very well read, he understood the value of his education which is apparent with his incredibly reflective and well-formed thoughts in his journal, and he was also a dedicated runner which to me shows an apparent strength of will and also that he demanded the best from himself. He had reason and logic and still chose to live a life that most could not handle for even a day. It was quite interesting to note the differences in how i percieved this larger than life character now that I have more years behind me and what surprised me the most was that if anything i understand him more now than i did then but for completely different reasons. He grew up in a broken home, the child of an alcoholic and abusive father, and witnessed some of the ugliest of what people are able to be, on a daily basis. Anyone would run from this. On a very primal level, this need to escape and get away is an urge that most of us will fight at some point. I remember at the age of 5, i packed my minnie mouse suitcase and headed out the door. I only made it 2 blocks where i parked it beneath the branches of a large pine tree but remembering this so vividly to this day makes me thing that some of us just have this pull. A desire to be alone or to at least find some place of solitude where our thoughts can be our own. Where reflection doesnt mean you are ignoring others or missing out on something...

A few days after i read Into the Wild, i also read Tuesday's with Morrie by Mitch Albom.
He hadnt become a literary Starbucks at this point which i can be thankful for because i tend to avoid most of those phenomenons even if they are worthy of my time. The point of mentioning this is that the two books are based on completely contradictive methods of finding oneself and it was quite the mindfuck for someone such as myself in the middle of teenagedom. I remember being so stuck in the question of whether or not it was ourselves or the people around us that should be the anchor, whether or not we could find any kind of permanent answers that would give us solace at our weakest moments, whether being alone meant being lonely or if there were some kind of balance to this life of solitude that has always seemed to quietly draw me in. The kind of work that I want to do relies on this idea of connecting with others, of seeing the ugliness that we present and choosing to focus my efforts on the good that we are capable of. But it is possible to be surrounded by people and still be alone in many ways. If things go as planned I will depart for Sub-saharan Africa in November of the coming year to begin a 2 year service in the Peace Corps. It has surprised me the amount of people who have asked me how i am able to do this, just pick up and leave for such a long time and go put myself in such a new and different world. At first I thought it was because this was the most logical step towards really getting to do the kind of photography I wanted to. It would push me and give me a chance to really challenge myself to understand the kinds of situations that I believe I am willing to put myself in. The closer I get to this reality, the more honest I feel i have to be when i say that it is about this but also about the idea of the horizon. I feel compelled to go further and farther, to push myself to rethink these ideas that have become too concrete in my mind. Perhaps this is selfish but my desire to help others is no less sincere because of it. It seems that the point where Chris McCandeless and I differed the most is in the fact that I treasure the connections with the people who are closest to me so deeply that this time I face apart from them doesn't frighten me. They understand this part of me and embrace it, while I cannot say I understand it even now I am determined to use it in whatever way i can in my life to make it something that propels me in a positive direction.

Alan Berliner

This was easily my favorite guest lecturer that has come during the last 3 years. I really appreciated that the film itself was what he showcased instead of a bunch of worthless stories about how he grew up or where he went to school. I think most of the time in situations like lectures people feel like they have to sell themselves somehow so i have enormous respect for the fact that he allowed his work to do the majority of the talking. The issues brought up in "Nobody's Business" like identity, family, responsibility, as well as social responsibility and connection are all things that I tend to be drawn to and pursue in my own work. There was an immense sense of control, compassion, intent, perspective, and sincerity that gave the film a necessary foundation and backbone. It would be easy to lose hold of the audience at countless times if something got too personal but i felt that he had a very acute sense of how to use the film with the audio that he had gotten from his interviews. There is really no other word besides amazement when I thought of the amount of time and energy that went into finding so many vintage clips as well as the background information from his own family. His use of humor was also an essential key to keeping the film interesting and enjoyable considering most of the topics that were discussed (loneliness, a broken family and marriage, and even the holocaust) all have the ability to really change the direction and feeling of the film. He intelligently and articulately managed to somehow cover all of these things and leave without any feelings of sadness, loss, or resentment.

For me, the most powerful part of this story was his ability to relate his own story to that of millions of others. He found common themes within his father's story and by understanding that this was also his own story he was able to relate it to every single person that ended up watching the film. I have come to believe that humility and understanding how small I am in relation to all the other things that exist out there is one of the greatest emotions I can experience. He tapped on this over and over again whether it was the way he chose to lay out a shot or the way he sequenced the interviews... and somehow he brought me back to those feelings. He was never pushy or preachy. His subtlety in mixing all of these ideas blended with his father's brazen charm made this a film that I would readily watch again but also a film that is worth examining because he really is amazing at his craft.

another

I was listening to NPR this afternoon (yes i listen to public radio and i find it incredibly informative and even stimulating) when I caught the interview with a photojournalist named Robin Bowman who has worked for Magnum most of her career covering social conflicts throughout the world and recently shifted her focus to the United States and a self motivated project called "It's Complicated" just released in a book.


http://www.soros.org/initiatives/photography/movingwalls/13#bowman

the website also contains links to some other amazing photography projects that are currently underway as well as opportunites for grants and funding.

tentative series

Looking for some feedback on these images. Let me know which ones you like and which ones need to go. Im still planning on shooting a lot but i've marked the four that I am printing to have ready for Anderson.
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Images

this blog is the s*hit

http://blog.noahkalina.com/

he is one of the previously mentioned paperbrigade alumni. I decided to check up on some of the photographers and find out what they have been up to in the last few years. This blog is witty, interesting, has good music, and great articles. Its one of the few that ive seen which dont come off annoying or too uncomfortably personal like mine tend to.

Highland Park

It is strange to be in a moment that you know is going to change you. When I first came into Highland Park i was amazed at the amount of houses that were condemned and abandoned; the next thing i noticed was despite this disrepair the neighborhood was still beautiful and had some sense of what it used to be. Rachel and I decided to go for a drive because it was such a nice day and she knew that I would love this area... she was right. I have such an addiction to places like this because they are so much more authentic and real than places like the Fan or Monument. Perhaps I just have a need to see things that are different from me to get some perspective but without a doubt, Highland Park did that today. I walked up to a porch where there were kids playing outside and there were three women sitting together talking. Two sat holding canned meat and crackers while the third, who i would find out was "Ms. B" smoked her cigarette. I was denied photos initally, which was fine. I just wanted to talk to them anyway and get an idea of where they stood on some things. All it really took was asking them how they felt about richmond and an hour later I was still there talking to them and they had agreed to let me get a few photos as long as I ok'd the ones i chose to use. I know im supposed to be objective but this was too much to keep that part of myself shut off. some of the things they said put a lump in my throat and made me want to punch someone all at the same time. Things as simple as being able to buy food that isnt rotten and overpriced, or being able to send their kids to a school that wont have teachers who bribe the students with good grades to give them drugs. My little middle class brain was spinning. I cannot understand this kind of life and quite honestly I felt ignorant when i was talking to them. Ms. B said that it was so different when she was younger and the neighborhood changed when the police got crooked and parents started losing control of their kids. I can't say that I have any answers for any of this stuff, she said that people only listen when there are a lot of them, but if its just one or a couple they get ignored... seems that most things work that way. Putting money into communities isnt always an answer and moving people out can't be the solution either because that just means theyre forced into their families homes, shelters, the streets, or a car. The halfway house on the corner of the block sits three houses down from a drugdealer who is kind enough to make housecalls. Its not an easy thing to walk into some of these places and can be downright stupid. But so far, these people have been incredibly warm and open with me, and its taught me a lot. Its forced me to look at my own ideas about what it means to be successful and the kinds of things that pass me by when i am not taking the time to pay attention to it. Its so easy to miss out on the things that Im not looking for and today was one of those days where I walked away with more hope instead of less. Near the end of our conversation Ms. B's daughter said "somebody gotta start somewhere" and I know meeting them today makes me feel even more determined to make this series work.

Im not with the FBI

Today was fantastic. Beautiful weather and the kind of day where going out to shoot is hard not to do. I decided to head across 95 and go into some neighborhoods I didnt know about (possibly stupid but i went anyway). I saw a group of men sitting outside in a yard and mustered up the courage to approach them. I must say I have few recollections of a less warm reception but I did it anyway- character building or something lame like that. Either way after a few akward moments and me giving my little "im a student/im not a cop" speech one of the men agreed to talk with me and we walked down the street towards his home. I spoke with another younger guy who was doing yardwork and a family that I gave my number to in the hopes that they might actually call me. Why is it always the families that take my number and dont want photos? its free photos of your kids... dont people eat that shit up? anyway I continued on into Church Hill where i immediately found a couple and their three dogs who were willing to be photographed as well. From there I basically wandered the area looking for people on their porches or in the street. I must say today I made a lot of new friends and only got hit on a couple of times... hopefully the photos and audio are legit too. I got a lot more mixed reactions as well. I was starting to believe that most people were upset with Richmond for the way the city was handling renovation and its "facelift" but today proved me quite wrong. I met several residents that really enjoyed Richmond and were happy with the changes being made... especially in Church Hill. Remembering where all these homes are so I can give them copies of their photos will be an effort for a mind such as mine but I am feeling really good about where this series is heading and I'm going to try to shoot some more in the early evenings this week so I have a good amount before Spring Break. As I was leaving at one point a guy asked me what I do for fun and I told him "this". and i meant it.



oh and also at the same house they informed me that they had shot and killed an intruder the year before.
... yea.

a bit of a recap

So, as you have probably noticed this is my first official blog of the semester. I am not proud of this but I would like to officially state that despite my lack of production online there has been quite a bit outside of the cyber world.

I'll begin with saying that this project has already opened me up so much more than what I was prepared for or had anticipated. I have had quite a time here in Richmond feeling like this is my home and getting to know the city itself not just the pieces of it that VCU is able to show me. In the couple of months that I have been working on this project I have already found so much that I had not ever expected. The original idea was to go into different neighborhoods in the city and take family portraits in front of their homes. My hypothesis was that each neighborhood would in fact have quite a different demographic and even a different attitude towards my request. I wanted to get a good mix of the varied architecture as well as economic disparities that occur even within the same block. Much of what I love about Richmond is the history and the sense of pride that people take in calling it their home. While I have never really felt that same sentiment for different reasons I knew that there had to be people out there that did. So i set off with my camera and a recorder in order to keep track of all the addresses, names, and details of what I found because I am the kind of person that has lost her keys for months at a time. Anyway, the first day presented a significant amount of frustrations, it was shit weather and I also didnt really know how i wanted to frame whoever I was able to photograph. I had taken some photos of my neighbor accross the street but I was really hoping for more than single shots because a huge part of what i am trying to find involves the family dynamics as well as the setting. I had driven around for a while, not seeing many people outside and the few times I walked around to talk to people nobody was interested. So i changed plans. I just started walking up to people and asking questions... stupid ones like where other families lived and then went from there. People hate when you want something from them and actually i hate asking so it was really more fun than i had thought to just start talking to people instead of trying to waltz into their homes and get a photo so I could leave again. One older woman agreed to help me but she was really the only taker of the day. I had tried posting on craigslist but to no avail and while I had a really enjoyable Sunday afternoon I was not much closer to the series that was so clear in my head. My second day took me up into Church Hill. This has always been my favorite part of Richmond and I dont know that I could even tell you why. I think perhaps I like the parks or the little town feel that it has in its first few blocks up the hill from ugly Shockoe Slip. Whatever it is I knew that I had to use Church Hill in this project. Another afternoon spent knocking on doors and shooting the shit with people left me with a few new friends but only a handful of new photos. I think I was still suffering from some sort of inhibition at that point. I understand that much of this idea was based upon the assumption that different parts of neighborhoods would have different opinions about Richmond and how the city was being managed or reconstructed. What i didnt properly prepare myself for was that I could be lumped into that. People are skeptical of me and my motives most of the time, I am sure that this is something that I am going to have to become comfortable with or I will get nowhere with the kind of work I want to do. But so far, each afternoon, photos or none I have learned a great deal about what it takes to put myself out there and how to approach people in different situations. The kinds of questions to ask as well as the ones to skip. Even the way i carry myself and especially the clothes im wearing all influence what kind of things people think about me. In some ways its made me far more self conscience but in most its helped me to understand the kinds of signals that I send out without being aware of them.

are you tired of me yet?

So finally I decided to pull the reigns in a bit and hoof it around Oregon Hill, the lovely little community that i call home. I must admit that I knew it would be a challenge considering that much of the outer VCU area consists only of college students like myself who would either be sleeping on a saturday afternoon or already drunk. Im stereotyping of course but I was nothing compared to the "originals" that I ended up coming across. Using my skills of detection I stuck mostly to the manicured lawns that had toys on the porch or at least weren't covered in decaying lawn furniture and PBR cans. Somehow, I managed to meet nearly 7 people that had either lived in Oregon Hill their whole lives or raised their entire families there. I was a bit shocked at this luck but it proved to me what a tight nit place this used to be. Most of them were the only ones left within their families or only had a kid that lived nearby. It was quite depressing actually to hear how close everyone used to be in comparison to what it has become. One woman named Roxanne who didnt want to be photographed told me the most about how the Hill used to look and the people that have come in and changed it. There is a committe called OHIC which was supposed to be in charge of helping residents fix up their old houses but be able to stay in them... I met one woman who felt that OHIC had helped her and the rest all spat on it and wanted to report them to the government. She told me that the neighborhood used to have block parties every weekend and theyd all hang out drinking by a joint called the "Chuck Wagon" which apparently was the place to be. But she said that slowly people started moving out and they couldnt afford the houses once VCU started getting bigger and now the police are around so much that they arent even allowed to be out on their porches anymore. She described it as the redneck neighborhood but said that none of them are left because everything's changed so much. Most of what i heard is that everyone is really disillusioned by what has happened in Oregon Hill. They are sad that the places they grew up with can't get by anymore and that the families that they grew up with have been forced to move because rent has skyrocketed. One of the older women that I spoke with was literally almost in tears as I talked to her. Her housemate/husband/brother/not sure even got made and stormed off the porch. I was in the line of fire on that one but it really made me remember why i wanted to do this project in the first place and how much peoples lives can be changed and often in negative ways. I am feeling good for the first time in a while about all of this and while that afternoon had its really intense moments I feel like this is the kind of effort that I know will be worthwhile and really help to get people thinking. If nothing else, I feel more of a part of this community and I am hopeful that they will see that all us college kids arent so bad after all.

And i might be in Africa this time next year. which is cool.

direction

So after a long semester I have finally seen the movie War Photographer, a documentary following James Nachtwey, one of the most well known war photographers of all time. There have been many questions that this semester has made me face and it was fascinating to get insight into the mind of someone who has been travelling the world for the last 25 years watching every kind of destruction, misery, suffering, and injustice that could possibly exist. While I do not know the direction that photography will take me, i do know that the questions that are discussed within this film are essential to identifying why it is that photojournalists do what they do. It is not difficult to understand why many people would feel that photographers such as Nachtwey, Sebastiao Salgado, and Kadir Von Lohuizen have been questioned and criticized for the work that they do. It could seem that these people have literally made a solid career benefitting from the pain and suffering of others. There are always questions of ethics at hand when there is someone behind the lens and a subject in front of it. Pictures can easily seem aloof and calculating if the photographer isnt constatly aware of his or her placement within the situation and the way that their perspective influences it. As the months have passed and I have spent countless hours looking at the photographs of the people who have decided to make this their life's work the message seems to be the common thread between them all despite their different styles and personal voices. Each has made this their life. It is not an aspect of it, or something that they come and go from, as most would from their jobs everyday. This is something that they life moment to moment. They have all made serious sacrifice in order to show others the atrocities that so quickly become statistics or pages in history books. I think it becomes apparent when the photographer is not passionate about the subject matter, the photos have an emptiness and insincerity that throws itself in front of even the best composition. I have been told over and over that photojournalism requires one to be hungry at all times, to always have something happening and to always find the shot even if it doesnt present itself. The challenge for subject matter such as is dealt with in War Photographer and other similar projects, is that the hunger can alter the motives behind the work. Understanding those that you photograph is essential, becoming a part of their world is essential, understanding the lines that should not be crossed is essential, and holding on to your integrity (whatever that may be for each person) is essential. Already, I have been challenged by the road blocks that present themselves in difficult situations, but these road blocks are revealing themselves to be more of a test. If the desire to make the images is overcome by the doubt that accompanies frustrations, than better to leave them as snapshots within your mind. If you are willing to put the effort in to get the shot, then do it and do it well.
While my current project has not come to light the way id hoped, i am continuing to shoot. This time, focusing only on one subject, Curtis. In addition, I have started several other series in order to see what kinds of avenues I can travel in the meantime. There are countless pieces of Richmond that I have interest in and countless photos that would feel worthwhile to pursue. The past week has really served as a rejuvination in why I began with this project and why I need to force myself to shoot any and everything, just to see where it leads me.

VMFA

I wont pretend that VMFA wasn't a bit of a pain in the ass but the slides came out better than expected and it was worth my time. It felt good to send my work out into the unknown and be pleased with it. Thats a first.

the fine balance

I am really starting to feel this project progressing. Last night i did another shoot with Ronnie at his home in Chesterfield. Unfortunately I didnt get much access because he lives in an assisted living house with several others who had not given the ok to be photographed but im hoping once they get more comfortable with me theyll realize that im not out to make anyone look bad. He also told me that next week is his birthday so hopefully ill be able to stop by the party that they are having for him this weekend and get some shots because that kind of moment is really what is going to be the glue of this story. Tomorrow im going to Curtis' home to shoot him and his family together. It was tough last week to coordinate meeting but thankfully Fall Break has allowed me to really schedule a lot of stuff in the next few days. Ill also be shooting for Style this weekend and starting up a photo essay involving a story that they are working on for next week's issue but I could possibly be involved with for the rest of the internship. I am realizing quickly that my equiptment is not up to par and that there is the harsh reality of needing to upgrade in the immediate future. I have been trying to look at options and figure out what kind of stetup would be ideal for the work I am doing and it is obvious that this will be a very expensive investment. My boss at Style has been encouraging me to do whatever it takes to upgrade because really it is not possible to compete with people using the best and newest gear if you do not have the same. The quality just is not there. It is frustrating to be in this position but I am able to see that this really is necessary in order to get the kinds of shots that I need to build up a solid portfolio that is going to put me above the rest of the people that I am competing with in the job market. I feel that this last couple of months has truly been priceless in terms of the exposure I have had to professionals in the field that I want to go into as well as really learning the ropes of how to market myself and simply be aware of how to put myself and what is to become my brand out there. Being able to show what you can do in a modest but assertive way is essential. I am starting to look into multimedia work as well because many competitions are focusing on this as the way photojournalism is going. I really enjoy the process of meeting the people I am shooting for assignments and adding the interview and audio to the project seems like a rather natural aspect to me. The plan is to get a few soundslides out in the next 4 months and have them ready when I need to apply for jobs come graduation time. This is all fast approaching but im really starting to get a clear plan of action at this point which is helping calm these jittery nerves. Its finally feeling strange when I have nothing to do because I know that there are photo ops im probably missing out on. This past weekend I went to shoot a vigil for one of the recent shooting victims in the Northside and it was one of the first times that I was faced with a lot of the emotions and questions that I know will most likely become commonplace if I really pursue human rights photography. I was the only photographer at the vigil and therefore couldnt simply blend into the background. I found myself really wanting to show the family members that I was trying to be respectful and that I was there because I was interested in their story, not trying to exploit it. I knew from many of my friends how people felt after the Virginia Tech shootings that the media was cold and insensitive so it was incredibly difficult to find myself on the other side of the lens. I know that the unspoken code is to not talk to the subjects but in this situation I simply could not. Finding a way to be sensitive but still get the shot is something that I know I will face again and have to become skillful with. This is something that applies to my project as well. I know that there will be bad days for some of the people that have volunteered and it is so important to me that I respect these people and still find a way to continue the process.

momentum

Today was a busy day but I feel like I was able to see a lot of important things, this time without my camera even entering the equation. This morning my boss Scott was discussing the new setup for the studio space that is being built for the Style Weekly offices as well as looking at the differences in the magazine from one printer to another that the magazine is considering. From what i understood the new location would better suit the needs of the company as well as be in a more central location because now it is just too far out of the way to make sense. The main issue was whether or not the studio would be large enough to shoot as well as store all of the necessary equiptment. He had been promised a certain amount of space but then had found out that much of the guaranteed footage for storage had been readjusted. The editor really want aware of the kind of space that is necessary for a fully functional studio or the amount of storage that is required for the larger tools such as ladders, sawhorses, and lighting equiptment. Changing the printer for the magazine was more interesting in the fact that it was something I had spent some time dealing with, but never really thought of its application beyond my own prints. I am thanking VCU at the moment for my digital phtography classes (particularly 2) because we hammered in color quality and maximizing the images in such detail even if at that point in time I wanted to rip my photoshop book into pieces. The issue often arises with newsprint that the blacks end up being shades of gray and there is typically streaking or wrinkling of some kind. As a photographer, much of the success of the image ends up relying on the aesthetic appeal and quality. If the printer lowers the original quality, then the work loses a significant amount of its strength. Another issue that changing the printer brought up was size. The images themselves would be printed about 1/4 of an inch smaller in any direction, which for a cover photograph can make a large difference. While the saturation and consistency of the new printer was absolutely better, the size concern made it difficult to know which one really would be a better choice. The discussion of having the cover be set up as a bleed came up as well but there needs to be some kind of compensation for the borders and cropping with that as well. The point of all this rambling is that I learned a lot today and realized the importance of the kind of publication that your photos are printed in. While self editing is very important and a great skill to have, sometimes the format in which the photos will be shown can alter their final outcome. It was also a great lesson in understanding how decisions get made at newspapers such as Style, where often the content will get damaged or changed because it can save expenses. As a photographer it is important to voice what things will make your photos look the best because often there are so many other people with other concerns that often overlook that 1/4 of an inch. As far as the project is concerned I will be back at Chester House again this Friday to do some shooting and have been in contact with Becky and viewed some of her work as well as her boyfriend's work online. It was great that she sent me the link, and really interesting to see the kinds of things that they both were inspired by. Im hoping to get to a NAMI sponsored event on Saturday morning for some shots as well as set up a time to visit Ronnie at his home one of these evenings in the next week or so. I am really excited to start getting more time in with everyone and keeping up the momentum on everything can be exhausting but so far I have felt really positive energy from everyone involved and it has kept me going strong.

meet the cast

I returned to the Chester House Friday morning for one final attempt at making some contacts and finding people who were open to working with me on this project. The morning meeting started at 9:30 where they allowed me to make an announcement and explain what I was doing and to offer to stay around and speak with anyone interested. To my surprise five people stepped forward. We all talked for quite a while and I started off by taking some photos of them in their favorite parts of the Chester House. Already my own thoughts are being transformed and I was thrilled at the amount of excitement that everyone seemed to have about what I was doing. Everyone already said that they would be fine with me photographing them in their home environments as well as at chester house or any other location that they may go to. From here on out it is a matter of scheduling times to visit them and start to let them shape the process more as i continue to photograph them.

Curtis:
The first to approach me following the meeting. Incredibly articulate and intelligent but admittedly still struggling with the stigmas of his diagnosis. Lives at home with his parents for now. We talked about his past year and the things that brought him to the Chester House, how his life is changing and has changed. He seems incredibly open and somewhat distanced from the other people at the House.




Jack:
Immediately very warm and the kind of person that everyone seems to enjoy being around and call their friend. Had a lot less questions than most of the others but was up for anything. Works the snack bar with pride.



Becky:
Incredibly timid but very open. Right away she told me that she loved to write and read poetry and was incredibly inspired by nature .She explained that the garden that was being constructed in the back area of Chester House had been her idea in order to honor and remember members who had left or passed away. She told me that she had majored in English but seems to love anything to do with art and personal expression. She mentioned that her boyfriend was a painter and had done portraits of her. Hopefully I will be able to see some of his and her work more, it seems that this could be an incredibly interesting insight into her world.



Ronnie:
An older man who discussed his struggles with getting his medication and a lot of the red tape that people have to go through in order to maintain their regimen of medicine. He lives in an assisted living home and already offered for me to come see it and get photos of the other people there as well as himself. He had great insights into his treatment and seems to have some wonderful perspectives that can teach me a lot.


Cindy:
Cindy did not volunteer herself right away but spoke up as she saw me walking around the facility with Jack as I was talking to him. She let me know right away some very intimate details of her illness as well as the fact that she was a recovering addict. I was amazed at her honesty and willingness to talk about something I assumed wouldnt even be breached until later on. She is very active in the community and teaches coping classes as well as participating in panel discussions with mental health care profeessionals. She invited me to the next meeting she will be involved with which should be a great opportunity to show her in a role that is new for her but something that she is obviously passionate about.

what it takes

The last couple of weeks have been a constant excercise of the amount of effort that it takes in order to do the kind of phtography that I want to do. I have hit a serious wall as far as the project is concerned and have had to make some quick adjustments in hopes that this can still happen. On a better note I have had some great firsthand experience with some shooting at my internship this past couple of weeks as well. I am really getting to see the way things work behind the scenes and am able to see the kinds of assigments and things that a staff photographer is involved with. So while I am quite unbelievably frustrated with all of the effort that seems to be piling up to nothing, I am still able to get some great experiences and do some shooting which is helping me keep my energy up.

stock images

With the knowledge that I have violated the very purpose behind the watermarks on stock photos, I wanted to post some of the images that I found after doing a search for "mental illness in photography". I thought that it would be good to have specific examples of what people have published within this subject. I was able to locate some photos that had been done during the fifties for record keeping purposes and a few from other photographers but for the most part stock photos were all I was able to get real access to online. I was expecting to find the stereotypical striaght jacket shots but somewhat suprised by the photos I have posted here. There were over 130 photos I looked through and many of them showed guns with extremely violent gestures.
Others showed the same kind of violence but manifested though facial expressions or movement. I think it is important to note that obviously there is a large amount of people with the perception that mental illness and violence go hand in hand. It was interesting to see some of the images taken for the state hospitals during the fifties as well but did not really catch me off guard while the others did. When taking these shots out of context they seem cartoonish and bizarre but it becomes even more strange when you think that they were made with something from reality in mind.

Chester House

Today was my first meeting with Sharon Van Pelt, the services supervisor at Chester House. Chester House is a clubhouse program for adults who have experienced persistent mental illness. As it was explained to me, the members are referred by the main Chesterfield mental facility and need some level of inpatient activity to prevent regression. The house is designed to "provide an atmosphere where the guaranteed rights of all members is meaningful to work and relationships, a place to belong, and a place to return." They emphasize the responsibility of the members to be respectful to one another and to really participate in the activities of the community. One of the reasons that this appeals so much to me is that they seem to be very agressive about making positive steps towards recovery and expect their members to acknowledge their role in the process. Ms. Van Pelt explained to me that the members are given different jobs within the house and expected to complete them. They are not just jobs that take up time, but are necessary for the house accomplishing all that it needs to. They strongly support their members pursuing jobs outside the house and have several programs which help to support them in this goal. I was given a tour by one of the members and I was extremely impressed with the facility itself. The main concern of the Chester House was that the members would have to sign different release forms than usual (understandable). Ms. Van Pelt explained to me that there are few rules imposed by the doctors and leaders at the house because so many of the members have been told what to do and how to do it for so much of their lives. It is very important that they make their own decisions and excersise their own judgement. I also explained to her that my hope was to be able to find members who were willing to let me photograph them in their daily lives, i.e. with family or at work if the employer agreed. I think it is important to show that these people are doing everything in their power to make their lives better and give the audience a view of them in roles outside of the house as well. The plan as of now is to return this Thursday and Friday in order to have private meetings with some of the members who are interested in participating in the project to allow them to ask me whatever questions they may have. I realize that this is going to be an intense experience and just visiting today and meeting some of the members in passing gave me an idea of what I have gotten myself into. Even with this in mind I am feeling more determined than ever to make the most of this opportunity, realizing that being welcomed as I have been thus far is unusual. Now I get to start taking photos (finally).