I am really starting to feel this project progressing. Last night i did another shoot with Ronnie at his home in Chesterfield. Unfortunately I didnt get much access because he lives in an assisted living house with several others who had not given the ok to be photographed but im hoping once they get more comfortable with me theyll realize that im not out to make anyone look bad. He also told me that next week is his birthday so hopefully ill be able to stop by the party that they are having for him this weekend and get some shots because that kind of moment is really what is going to be the glue of this story. Tomorrow im going to Curtis' home to shoot him and his family together. It was tough last week to coordinate meeting but thankfully Fall Break has allowed me to really schedule a lot of stuff in the next few days. Ill also be shooting for Style this weekend and starting up a photo essay involving a story that they are working on for next week's issue but I could possibly be involved with for the rest of the internship. I am realizing quickly that my equiptment is not up to par and that there is the harsh reality of needing to upgrade in the immediate future. I have been trying to look at options and figure out what kind of stetup would be ideal for the work I am doing and it is obvious that this will be a very expensive investment. My boss at Style has been encouraging me to do whatever it takes to upgrade because really it is not possible to compete with people using the best and newest gear if you do not have the same. The quality just is not there. It is frustrating to be in this position but I am able to see that this really is necessary in order to get the kinds of shots that I need to build up a solid portfolio that is going to put me above the rest of the people that I am competing with in the job market. I feel that this last couple of months has truly been priceless in terms of the exposure I have had to professionals in the field that I want to go into as well as really learning the ropes of how to market myself and simply be aware of how to put myself and what is to become my brand out there. Being able to show what you can do in a modest but assertive way is essential. I am starting to look into multimedia work as well because many competitions are focusing on this as the way photojournalism is going. I really enjoy the process of meeting the people I am shooting for assignments and adding the interview and audio to the project seems like a rather natural aspect to me. The plan is to get a few soundslides out in the next 4 months and have them ready when I need to apply for jobs come graduation time. This is all fast approaching but im really starting to get a clear plan of action at this point which is helping calm these jittery nerves. Its finally feeling strange when I have nothing to do because I know that there are photo ops im probably missing out on. This past weekend I went to shoot a vigil for one of the recent shooting victims in the Northside and it was one of the first times that I was faced with a lot of the emotions and questions that I know will most likely become commonplace if I really pursue human rights photography.
I was the only photographer at the vigil and therefore couldnt simply blend into the background. I found myself really wanting to show the family members that I was trying to be respectful and that I was there because I was interested in their story, not trying to exploit it. I knew from many of my friends how people felt after the Virginia Tech shootings that the media was cold and insensitive so it was incredibly difficult to find myself on the other side of the lens. I know that the unspoken code is to not talk to the subjects but in this situation I simply could not.
Finding a way to be sensitive but still get the shot is something that I know I will face again and have to become skillful with. This is something that applies to my project as well. I know that there will be bad days for some of the people that have volunteered and it is so important to me that I respect these people and still find a way to continue the process.
I was the only photographer at the vigil and therefore couldnt simply blend into the background. I found myself really wanting to show the family members that I was trying to be respectful and that I was there because I was interested in their story, not trying to exploit it. I knew from many of my friends how people felt after the Virginia Tech shootings that the media was cold and insensitive so it was incredibly difficult to find myself on the other side of the lens. I know that the unspoken code is to not talk to the subjects but in this situation I simply could not. 
Finding a way to be sensitive but still get the shot is something that I know I will face again and have to become skillful with. This is something that applies to my project as well. I know that there will be bad days for some of the people that have volunteered and it is so important to me that I respect these people and still find a way to continue the process.
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