direction

So after a long semester I have finally seen the movie War Photographer, a documentary following James Nachtwey, one of the most well known war photographers of all time. There have been many questions that this semester has made me face and it was fascinating to get insight into the mind of someone who has been travelling the world for the last 25 years watching every kind of destruction, misery, suffering, and injustice that could possibly exist. While I do not know the direction that photography will take me, i do know that the questions that are discussed within this film are essential to identifying why it is that photojournalists do what they do. It is not difficult to understand why many people would feel that photographers such as Nachtwey, Sebastiao Salgado, and Kadir Von Lohuizen have been questioned and criticized for the work that they do. It could seem that these people have literally made a solid career benefitting from the pain and suffering of others. There are always questions of ethics at hand when there is someone behind the lens and a subject in front of it. Pictures can easily seem aloof and calculating if the photographer isnt constatly aware of his or her placement within the situation and the way that their perspective influences it. As the months have passed and I have spent countless hours looking at the photographs of the people who have decided to make this their life's work the message seems to be the common thread between them all despite their different styles and personal voices. Each has made this their life. It is not an aspect of it, or something that they come and go from, as most would from their jobs everyday. This is something that they life moment to moment. They have all made serious sacrifice in order to show others the atrocities that so quickly become statistics or pages in history books. I think it becomes apparent when the photographer is not passionate about the subject matter, the photos have an emptiness and insincerity that throws itself in front of even the best composition. I have been told over and over that photojournalism requires one to be hungry at all times, to always have something happening and to always find the shot even if it doesnt present itself. The challenge for subject matter such as is dealt with in War Photographer and other similar projects, is that the hunger can alter the motives behind the work. Understanding those that you photograph is essential, becoming a part of their world is essential, understanding the lines that should not be crossed is essential, and holding on to your integrity (whatever that may be for each person) is essential. Already, I have been challenged by the road blocks that present themselves in difficult situations, but these road blocks are revealing themselves to be more of a test. If the desire to make the images is overcome by the doubt that accompanies frustrations, than better to leave them as snapshots within your mind. If you are willing to put the effort in to get the shot, then do it and do it well.
While my current project has not come to light the way id hoped, i am continuing to shoot. This time, focusing only on one subject, Curtis. In addition, I have started several other series in order to see what kinds of avenues I can travel in the meantime. There are countless pieces of Richmond that I have interest in and countless photos that would feel worthwhile to pursue. The past week has really served as a rejuvination in why I began with this project and why I need to force myself to shoot any and everything, just to see where it leads me.

VMFA

I wont pretend that VMFA wasn't a bit of a pain in the ass but the slides came out better than expected and it was worth my time. It felt good to send my work out into the unknown and be pleased with it. Thats a first.

the fine balance

I am really starting to feel this project progressing. Last night i did another shoot with Ronnie at his home in Chesterfield. Unfortunately I didnt get much access because he lives in an assisted living house with several others who had not given the ok to be photographed but im hoping once they get more comfortable with me theyll realize that im not out to make anyone look bad. He also told me that next week is his birthday so hopefully ill be able to stop by the party that they are having for him this weekend and get some shots because that kind of moment is really what is going to be the glue of this story. Tomorrow im going to Curtis' home to shoot him and his family together. It was tough last week to coordinate meeting but thankfully Fall Break has allowed me to really schedule a lot of stuff in the next few days. Ill also be shooting for Style this weekend and starting up a photo essay involving a story that they are working on for next week's issue but I could possibly be involved with for the rest of the internship. I am realizing quickly that my equiptment is not up to par and that there is the harsh reality of needing to upgrade in the immediate future. I have been trying to look at options and figure out what kind of stetup would be ideal for the work I am doing and it is obvious that this will be a very expensive investment. My boss at Style has been encouraging me to do whatever it takes to upgrade because really it is not possible to compete with people using the best and newest gear if you do not have the same. The quality just is not there. It is frustrating to be in this position but I am able to see that this really is necessary in order to get the kinds of shots that I need to build up a solid portfolio that is going to put me above the rest of the people that I am competing with in the job market. I feel that this last couple of months has truly been priceless in terms of the exposure I have had to professionals in the field that I want to go into as well as really learning the ropes of how to market myself and simply be aware of how to put myself and what is to become my brand out there. Being able to show what you can do in a modest but assertive way is essential. I am starting to look into multimedia work as well because many competitions are focusing on this as the way photojournalism is going. I really enjoy the process of meeting the people I am shooting for assignments and adding the interview and audio to the project seems like a rather natural aspect to me. The plan is to get a few soundslides out in the next 4 months and have them ready when I need to apply for jobs come graduation time. This is all fast approaching but im really starting to get a clear plan of action at this point which is helping calm these jittery nerves. Its finally feeling strange when I have nothing to do because I know that there are photo ops im probably missing out on. This past weekend I went to shoot a vigil for one of the recent shooting victims in the Northside and it was one of the first times that I was faced with a lot of the emotions and questions that I know will most likely become commonplace if I really pursue human rights photography. I was the only photographer at the vigil and therefore couldnt simply blend into the background. I found myself really wanting to show the family members that I was trying to be respectful and that I was there because I was interested in their story, not trying to exploit it. I knew from many of my friends how people felt after the Virginia Tech shootings that the media was cold and insensitive so it was incredibly difficult to find myself on the other side of the lens. I know that the unspoken code is to not talk to the subjects but in this situation I simply could not. Finding a way to be sensitive but still get the shot is something that I know I will face again and have to become skillful with. This is something that applies to my project as well. I know that there will be bad days for some of the people that have volunteered and it is so important to me that I respect these people and still find a way to continue the process.

momentum

Today was a busy day but I feel like I was able to see a lot of important things, this time without my camera even entering the equation. This morning my boss Scott was discussing the new setup for the studio space that is being built for the Style Weekly offices as well as looking at the differences in the magazine from one printer to another that the magazine is considering. From what i understood the new location would better suit the needs of the company as well as be in a more central location because now it is just too far out of the way to make sense. The main issue was whether or not the studio would be large enough to shoot as well as store all of the necessary equiptment. He had been promised a certain amount of space but then had found out that much of the guaranteed footage for storage had been readjusted. The editor really want aware of the kind of space that is necessary for a fully functional studio or the amount of storage that is required for the larger tools such as ladders, sawhorses, and lighting equiptment. Changing the printer for the magazine was more interesting in the fact that it was something I had spent some time dealing with, but never really thought of its application beyond my own prints. I am thanking VCU at the moment for my digital phtography classes (particularly 2) because we hammered in color quality and maximizing the images in such detail even if at that point in time I wanted to rip my photoshop book into pieces. The issue often arises with newsprint that the blacks end up being shades of gray and there is typically streaking or wrinkling of some kind. As a photographer, much of the success of the image ends up relying on the aesthetic appeal and quality. If the printer lowers the original quality, then the work loses a significant amount of its strength. Another issue that changing the printer brought up was size. The images themselves would be printed about 1/4 of an inch smaller in any direction, which for a cover photograph can make a large difference. While the saturation and consistency of the new printer was absolutely better, the size concern made it difficult to know which one really would be a better choice. The discussion of having the cover be set up as a bleed came up as well but there needs to be some kind of compensation for the borders and cropping with that as well. The point of all this rambling is that I learned a lot today and realized the importance of the kind of publication that your photos are printed in. While self editing is very important and a great skill to have, sometimes the format in which the photos will be shown can alter their final outcome. It was also a great lesson in understanding how decisions get made at newspapers such as Style, where often the content will get damaged or changed because it can save expenses. As a photographer it is important to voice what things will make your photos look the best because often there are so many other people with other concerns that often overlook that 1/4 of an inch. As far as the project is concerned I will be back at Chester House again this Friday to do some shooting and have been in contact with Becky and viewed some of her work as well as her boyfriend's work online. It was great that she sent me the link, and really interesting to see the kinds of things that they both were inspired by. Im hoping to get to a NAMI sponsored event on Saturday morning for some shots as well as set up a time to visit Ronnie at his home one of these evenings in the next week or so. I am really excited to start getting more time in with everyone and keeping up the momentum on everything can be exhausting but so far I have felt really positive energy from everyone involved and it has kept me going strong.

meet the cast

I returned to the Chester House Friday morning for one final attempt at making some contacts and finding people who were open to working with me on this project. The morning meeting started at 9:30 where they allowed me to make an announcement and explain what I was doing and to offer to stay around and speak with anyone interested. To my surprise five people stepped forward. We all talked for quite a while and I started off by taking some photos of them in their favorite parts of the Chester House. Already my own thoughts are being transformed and I was thrilled at the amount of excitement that everyone seemed to have about what I was doing. Everyone already said that they would be fine with me photographing them in their home environments as well as at chester house or any other location that they may go to. From here on out it is a matter of scheduling times to visit them and start to let them shape the process more as i continue to photograph them.

Curtis:
The first to approach me following the meeting. Incredibly articulate and intelligent but admittedly still struggling with the stigmas of his diagnosis. Lives at home with his parents for now. We talked about his past year and the things that brought him to the Chester House, how his life is changing and has changed. He seems incredibly open and somewhat distanced from the other people at the House.




Jack:
Immediately very warm and the kind of person that everyone seems to enjoy being around and call their friend. Had a lot less questions than most of the others but was up for anything. Works the snack bar with pride.



Becky:
Incredibly timid but very open. Right away she told me that she loved to write and read poetry and was incredibly inspired by nature .She explained that the garden that was being constructed in the back area of Chester House had been her idea in order to honor and remember members who had left or passed away. She told me that she had majored in English but seems to love anything to do with art and personal expression. She mentioned that her boyfriend was a painter and had done portraits of her. Hopefully I will be able to see some of his and her work more, it seems that this could be an incredibly interesting insight into her world.



Ronnie:
An older man who discussed his struggles with getting his medication and a lot of the red tape that people have to go through in order to maintain their regimen of medicine. He lives in an assisted living home and already offered for me to come see it and get photos of the other people there as well as himself. He had great insights into his treatment and seems to have some wonderful perspectives that can teach me a lot.


Cindy:
Cindy did not volunteer herself right away but spoke up as she saw me walking around the facility with Jack as I was talking to him. She let me know right away some very intimate details of her illness as well as the fact that she was a recovering addict. I was amazed at her honesty and willingness to talk about something I assumed wouldnt even be breached until later on. She is very active in the community and teaches coping classes as well as participating in panel discussions with mental health care profeessionals. She invited me to the next meeting she will be involved with which should be a great opportunity to show her in a role that is new for her but something that she is obviously passionate about.

what it takes

The last couple of weeks have been a constant excercise of the amount of effort that it takes in order to do the kind of phtography that I want to do. I have hit a serious wall as far as the project is concerned and have had to make some quick adjustments in hopes that this can still happen. On a better note I have had some great firsthand experience with some shooting at my internship this past couple of weeks as well. I am really getting to see the way things work behind the scenes and am able to see the kinds of assigments and things that a staff photographer is involved with. So while I am quite unbelievably frustrated with all of the effort that seems to be piling up to nothing, I am still able to get some great experiences and do some shooting which is helping me keep my energy up.

stock images

With the knowledge that I have violated the very purpose behind the watermarks on stock photos, I wanted to post some of the images that I found after doing a search for "mental illness in photography". I thought that it would be good to have specific examples of what people have published within this subject. I was able to locate some photos that had been done during the fifties for record keeping purposes and a few from other photographers but for the most part stock photos were all I was able to get real access to online. I was expecting to find the stereotypical striaght jacket shots but somewhat suprised by the photos I have posted here. There were over 130 photos I looked through and many of them showed guns with extremely violent gestures.
Others showed the same kind of violence but manifested though facial expressions or movement. I think it is important to note that obviously there is a large amount of people with the perception that mental illness and violence go hand in hand. It was interesting to see some of the images taken for the state hospitals during the fifties as well but did not really catch me off guard while the others did. When taking these shots out of context they seem cartoonish and bizarre but it becomes even more strange when you think that they were made with something from reality in mind.

Chester House

Today was my first meeting with Sharon Van Pelt, the services supervisor at Chester House. Chester House is a clubhouse program for adults who have experienced persistent mental illness. As it was explained to me, the members are referred by the main Chesterfield mental facility and need some level of inpatient activity to prevent regression. The house is designed to "provide an atmosphere where the guaranteed rights of all members is meaningful to work and relationships, a place to belong, and a place to return." They emphasize the responsibility of the members to be respectful to one another and to really participate in the activities of the community. One of the reasons that this appeals so much to me is that they seem to be very agressive about making positive steps towards recovery and expect their members to acknowledge their role in the process. Ms. Van Pelt explained to me that the members are given different jobs within the house and expected to complete them. They are not just jobs that take up time, but are necessary for the house accomplishing all that it needs to. They strongly support their members pursuing jobs outside the house and have several programs which help to support them in this goal. I was given a tour by one of the members and I was extremely impressed with the facility itself. The main concern of the Chester House was that the members would have to sign different release forms than usual (understandable). Ms. Van Pelt explained to me that there are few rules imposed by the doctors and leaders at the house because so many of the members have been told what to do and how to do it for so much of their lives. It is very important that they make their own decisions and excersise their own judgement. I also explained to her that my hope was to be able to find members who were willing to let me photograph them in their daily lives, i.e. with family or at work if the employer agreed. I think it is important to show that these people are doing everything in their power to make their lives better and give the audience a view of them in roles outside of the house as well. The plan as of now is to return this Thursday and Friday in order to have private meetings with some of the members who are interested in participating in the project to allow them to ask me whatever questions they may have. I realize that this is going to be an intense experience and just visiting today and meeting some of the members in passing gave me an idea of what I have gotten myself into. Even with this in mind I am feeling more determined than ever to make the most of this opportunity, realizing that being welcomed as I have been thus far is unusual. Now I get to start taking photos (finally).

Kadir von Lohuizen

While looking at photo essays online I came upon several striking images and saw that all were done by the same photographer, Kadir von Lohuizen.He was born in the Netherlands and began traveling and taking photos following his graduation from high school. He is associated with the Noor agency, a group of photographers from around the world, all focused in social change and making an impact through their work. I had struggled to find photographers that called themselves human rights activists before locating Lohulzen. I was suprised to find that the agency had been created by the photographers themselves and has extended into the realm of gallery exhibitions as well as publishing books from the photographers. Up to this point, Noor is a very rare organization and while many artists will work with one idea in mind, few make it their only realm. Often it is necessary to go into commercial photography in order to maintain enough income to support any other ventures. It was encouraging to find people that made their ideas a reality and have managed to gain enough support to produce a successful company such as Noor. Lohuizen is associated with Human Rights Watch but has been exhibited in many other venues. His work in Chad were recently recognized but he has traveled to many countries and covered stories such as post-Katrina New Orleans, as well as the diamond industry in Angola, Sierra Leone, DR Congo, Belgium, India, and France. For the diamond essay he worked extensively researching as many aspects of the diamond trade as possible. He followed the diamonds from their origin to their final destinations and everything inbetween. It is incredible that he is able to make the connections and find a way into all of the necessary places to achieve his desired statement. He has a unique eye for being able to see the environment in its entirety but also being able to capture the individuals within it with the same importance. He included two portraits within his essay on Chad that really interested me and stood out. He has an eye for matching his style with his subject. The challenge is to come into the community and find a way to become a fluid piece of it rather than something on the periphery and he has absolutely become an expert at this. It is obvious that he is completely fueled by his passion for the subject matter and willing to put himself into painful and difficult positions in order to try to make a difference.
website : http://www.lohuizen.net/content.html

Heritage

Sometimes I get glimpses of what seem to be fate. While most days I believe that we are in charge of our own destinies it is on occasion comforting to believe that certain instances are more than just coincidence, that perhaps we are all joined in some way. I came home from my last class this afternoon a bit deflated and generally tired. Typically at moments like this I would sit down for a few moments and browse the internet or maybe watch some Daily Show to distract whatever may have been weighing on me, but today both the internet and cable were not working thanks to the glory that is Comcast. I considered watching Hook, one of my favorite films and a sure way to cheer myself up, until I looked over to the coffee table where my roommate had put a book for one of her women’s studies class. I have been devouring books lately and this one was about tracing African American’s lineage, more specifically the efforts of the author in collaboration with many experts to find Oprah’s ancestry. It was also developed as a PBS special that did the same for five other prominent African American figures. At first glance it may seem to be more Oprah overload but admittedly I am a fan of Oprah and in constant amazement of her good deeds and desire to help and educate literally as many people as she is able to reach. The book did not dissapoint. Being the child of a middle class white family I have had many opportunities laid before me. The struggles that my father faced when I was young to feed his three young children while completing a Phd and work his way up from next to nothing have become sketchy memories now that I am approaching my own adulthood. Similarly, to learn more about specific stories of struggles in the Reconstructed south following the Civil War seemed distanced from the life that I lead now. The point of this book was to show that while everything possible was done to erase these names, these heritages, and everything that defines us as humans, today it has become possible to undo this atrocity to a degree. The emphasis the author makes is upon the importance that Oprah’s ancestors placed in education and the need to acquire land and materials to prove their worth in a world where the color of their skin was enough to be killed over, let alone asserting oneself. The other interesting twist in the book came when DNA samples were taken to trace lineage beyond the slaves that only retained a single name and often took the surname of their owner. There is a great blending of DNA, far beyond the context of what we are able to define as race. Many Aftrican Americans have at least a percentage of European heritage and sometimes even Native American heritage as well. By looking at DNA from tribes and cultures that still exist in Africa today, it is possible to locate geographic areas and possible locations that a person is from. Honestly, this blew my mind. While I am a little hesitant to admit it I became almost jealous, and felt guilty the whole time that this pride and this desire to honor those who have come before is something that I feel has been lost at least within my family. Personal struggles within my immediate family have seemingly halted this sense of pride or perhaps the Saunders have been this way all along- I am not sure. Whatever it is this book also assured me in some senses. A large reason behind my motivation to pursue documentary photography and human rights is for stories such as this one. Whether or not many think about it from day to day, we all have connections and are one another’s brothers and sisters in some sense. DNA may state otherwise but our stories are paralleled whether or not we were on the fortunate side of the fence. It is hard to know where to find pride in a legacy that is so overridden in the exact crimes that I feel so strongly about preventing. Perhaps on some sort of overload I also picked up the book “Women” by Annie Leibowitz with an essay from Susan Sontag. It is a collection of photographs of women from all walks of life from truckers, to soldiers, to dancers, to politicians, to actresses, to miners, to researchers. All of these women are mothers, sisters, wives, friends, and have their own stories as well. This is another work that has always conjured the same feelings of a bigger connection for me. For quite some time I had trouble explaining what it was that touched me so deeply with ideas such as these. Finally, after years of feeling this almost suffocating swell that would creep up in me at the strangest of moments a word came to mind and has managed to implant itself within me: humility. I am inspired by how minute and insignificant I am in comparison to others, but I am so incredibly in awe of the opportunities that I am able to pursue and infinitely appreciative of the fact that everyone is tragically flawed- how they have been, and will be that way forever.

Decoys and Disruptions

I recently read an essay from the book "Decoys and Disruptions" written by Martha Rosler. The essay was titled Post-documentary, Post-photography? and dealt with social concerns and context within photojournalism. She touches on the concern of social awareness, subjectification of those being photographed, and other ethical dilemmas that have been brought to light because of documentary photography's nature. A large part of Rosler's discussion is aimed at the need for the awareness of the photographer within their particular subject matter. She goes into the importance of defining one's role and whether or not the photos are taken from the view of an outsider or as one who becomes part of the subject. Obviously, there are challenges with either strategy and neither can be deemed more valid than the other. There is a long tradition within photojournalism as the photographer being completely unbiased although this is not something that draws me towards the medium. For me, the power of photography is its ability to speak. While I would prefer it not be my own voice I realize that my influence is inevitable. She brings up the fact that there are several photographers who have completely immersed themselves within the communities they are shooting and even gave cameras to their subjects. This reference made me think back to an article I saw earlier in the year that had done this with children growing up in a drug infested city in South America. The series was fascinating to me and while this wasnt an idea that I originally had thought of, the concept has become increasingly interesting to me. I love examining the relationships between people and what better way than to see the manner in which they decide to view one another through the lens of a camera. I also have been in the process of starting an internship with Style Weekly and while it is not as much about thinking and creating new ideas to play around with the experience itself is already teaching me a lot. More so than ever, Im feeling that this semester is finally giving me the combination of hands-on work with mental training as well. I am feeling completely stimulated about many of the things going on around me and while there are moments of self-doubt and frustration, I am making some great discoveries along the way. In pro-practice tonight we had guests that are working assistants come in to speak and while it is daunting to hear about the real world it truly motivates me. The goal for this weekend is to just shoot as much as possible. Im trying to let things happen as they may and not be to rigid about expectations. Hopefully something will come of it.

topics

The last week has been somewhat frustrating concerning the areas that I would like to pursue and shoot for my topic. As I discussed with Paul, there are several topics that resonate much more with me than others and it is incredibly important for me to feel that the subject matter in my photos is relevant. Without being inspired by the story behind my work I would feel that it is far less sincere. The idea that seeems to be the most inspiring for me at the moment is confronting the issue of mental health. This is something I have always felt strongly about and even dealt with in previous works but in the last year, my desire to have this avenue explored has only intensified. Blacksburg has been my home since the age of two, on April 16th I was nowhere near the Virginia Tech campus and found out about the shooting through a text message that one of my friends in Florence had recieved. Perhaps I am looking for my own way to grieve, or process all of the emotions that I have experienced over the last few months. I have countless people in my life that have been affected by this tragedy, and my community is only beginning to recover. I didnt plan on saying this much about it all but these are the kinds of things that make me want to deal with documentary photography. My hope is to find a situation where I could talk with those who are struggling, or follow a family who is facing the challenges that come with dealing with mental illness. I realize this is a sticky situation and that there is a lot of red tape, but that is part of the problem. I want there to be less stigmas assocaited with those people whose daily life is affected by these issues. I dont want to breeze in and out. That is not realistic nor can it really allow me to understand the people that I am including and showing in such a vunerable state. I want it to show hope as well. This will obviously be a large undertaking but I am feeling like this is something that I could possibly take somewhere worthwhile.

another article that interested me discussed the mental health issues of returning Iraqi war veterans. This topic is hardly touched by the media or public in general and is starting to have more and more of an impact. The article I found was in Roanoke Times but this is another I located online with the Washington Post.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/02/28/AR2006022801712.html

The Paper Brigade

High school was marked by many things that I would rather not return to. I despised many of the teachers, and the building itself was a prison disguised in the shape of a friendly square with the "library" located at its center. High school was however the beginning of my journey into the world of photos. I took a class thinking it would be fun and it delivered. My teacher was a staunch republican with hate in his heart for Michael Moore but somehow I was able to enjoy the class despite his never-ending rants and constant rotation of Warren Zevon and the song "Wildfire" playing on his G4. While there were plenty of moments that I can live without recalling I did discover my first photo blog and website during my junior year called thepaperbrigade.com. I visited this site often and it was one of the first times i was able to connect with artists and see myself perhaps in the future doing the same things as they did. I hadn't visited the site in probably two years until today and I was truly sad to find out that it no longer existed. There is a documentation of the archives but the site itself only flashed up a cute 404 display alerting me to the brigade's demise. I have looked through some of the photos and while they dont resonate with me in the way that they once did I still have some strong sentimental attachment to this small little bit of the computer universe. Its a part of where I have come from and although i never would have guessed it; a piece of a distinct turning point in my young life.

the important things.

my whole blog got erased. im pissed. rule number one i learned in kindergarten was save all work at regular intervals. some of us really dont learn. Ill try to be sincere although this is round two.


that said:

the things that matter today/most days:
1. being good to the people i care about
2. being good to myself
3. being good to people i dont care about (or havent met)

The part that comes beneath these three things are the details. These are the thoughts that tend to keep me awake until the wee hours of the morning and are the same ones that cycle through my head during my runs regardless of how loud i turn up Dave Grohl's voice on my ipod. Details like how im going to spend the rest of my life, or the phone calls to recently dumped girlfriends that need to be made, or how to turn the remainder of my groceries into a decent meal for the evening. I have been absorbed in the thoughts of right and wrong/ justice vs. injustice and today I looked up at a card I had purchased in the gift store of the Contemporary Museum of art in Barcelona, Spain this Spring. The artist's name is David Shrigly and I happily stumbled upon some of his work as i was wandering the shop. I have a desperate need for humor in my life. Its hard for me to even categorize it in with the details seeing as its such a part of me. The people in my life all have this in common with me as well. While I do love contemplating the ups and downs and equilibriums of our world I am always in search of those who can keep it in perspective and pull us back down if needed.



Carlos Pazos was another artist at the same museum whom I immediately fell in love with. He is bizarre. He is vain. He is tacky. He is vulgar. He is truly gifted and I adore him. It is difficult to find many of his works because he is a Catalan artist based in Barcelona. The show I saw called No Digem Es Res included his display of his toy guitar collection, a performance piece which showed him sitting in an armchair next to a fire reading books one by one until a butler brought in another stack, a postcard collection of akward couples with akward backgrounds trying to look smitten, and a strange theme of Elvis throughout. He counts on our desire to find humor in situations with which we are uncomfortable. I especially love that he can laugh at us knowing that we will be uncomfortable.


*this is unrelated but one of my favorite things to do whenever being forced to listen to bad music;
imagine the artist/s in the studio and then imagine everyone in the booth grooving to the beat enthusiastically as the track plays. Pretty much any shit song has the hope of being saved... well most.

The End and the Beginning

poem # 2 (my apologies for those of you that despise poetry)

The End and the Beginning

After every war
someone has to tidy up
Things won't pick
themselves up, after all.

Someone has to shove
the rubble to the roadsides
so the carts loaded with corpses
can get by.


Someone has to trudge
through sludge and ashes,
through the sofa springs,
the shards of glass,
the bloody rags.

Someone has to lug the post
to prop the wall,
someone has to glaze the window,
set the door in its frame.

No sound bites, no photo opportunites,
and it takes years.
All the cameras have gone
to other wars.

The bridges need to be rebuilt,
the railroad stations, too.
Shirtsleeves will be rolled
to shreds.

Someone, broom in hand,
still remembers how it was.
Someone else listens, nodding
his unshattered head.

But others are bound to be bustling nearby
who'll find all that
a little boring.

From time to time someone still must
dig up a rusted argument
from underneath a bush
and haul it off to the dump.

Those who knew
what this was all about
must make way for those
who know little.
And less than that.
And at last nothing less than nothing.

Someone has to lie there
in the grass that covers up
the causes and effects
with a cornstalk in his teeth,
gawking at clouds.



to me she captures the essence of the ways we as humans live, remember, forget, destroy, and rebuild our lives continuously whether or not we realize our own roles. She has a talent for recalling of the forgotten and for drawing attention to the violent patterns that seem to dominate our history books.

Utopia

I am taking a course in the history of politics and have been reading Plato as well as Aristotle for the last week or so. I was reading through a book of one of my favorite poets, Wislawa Symborska tonight. She had two poems that have really resonated more than ever with me due to the fact that my head has been swimming so far out in what it means to find truth and justice in a world full of inherently flawed individuals such as myself.



"Utopia"

Island where it all becomes clear.

Solid ground beneath your feet.

The only roads are those that offer access.

Bushes bend beneath the weight of proofs.

The Tree of Valid Supposition grows here
with branches disentagled since time immemorial.

The Tree of Understanding, dazzlingly straight and simple,
sprouts by the spring called Now I Get It.

The thicker the woods, the vaster the vista;
the Valley of Obviously.

If any doubts arise, the wind dispels them instantly.

Echoes stir unsummoned
and eagerly explain all the secrets of the worlds.

On the right a cave where Meaning lies.

On the left the Lake of Deep Conviction.
Truth breaks from the bottom and bobs to the surface.

Unshakable Confidence towers over the valley.
Its peak offers and excellent view of the Essence of Things.

For all its charms, the island is uninhabited,
and the faint footprints scattered on its beaches
turn without exception to the sea.

As if all you can do here is leave
and plunge, never to return, into the depths.

Into unfathomable life.

Us

It has been a more challenging experience than I originally anticipated when I decided that photography was going to be my major. I somewhat innocently believed that being in classes that expected me to produce work would somehow lead exactly to that. The last couple of years have proved otherwise. I often had ideas or concepts in my mind that I found extremely difficult to translate into my work and even into words while attempting to present them in my classes. My last semester was spent studying in Italy and while it sounds cleche and really is, I feel like my time there led me to finding a way of joining photography with all of the other things in my life that inspire me. I have always had a strong interest in human interaction and the way that people experience their lives. This dynamic arises through relationships, perhaps isolation, and even mistreatment or misunderstanding from others.


Previous to my time abroad I felt a strong pull towards cultures and societies (customs, religions, stereotypes, gender issues etc.) . It fascinates me to connect the similarities and differences between towns, cities, and countries that are defined simply by lines that were created by the natural geography of the land or more likely by leaders with the power to draw them. Most recently, the focus of human rights and the feeling that my work should be a tool instead of something that feels too self-indulgent has really taken hold. I am not trying to convince myself that my photos can heal the world or any of that b.s. but I am passionate about giving some kind of voice to people who may otherwise be without one. Photography is biased in its truest nature. I am the one making the decision of how to present the people that I encounter but my goal is to try to show both the joy and sadness that everyone experiences in hopes that connections can be made between people that could support, learn from, or at least identify with one another. One of my first inspirations of this came from the "Human Rights Watch" which is published every year and documents crimes against humanity throughout the world. There are endless photo essays on many news websites (www.bbc.com, amnesty.org, and www.fiftycrows.org which is an offspring of Mother Jones) that could fall into the realm of what I want to do.