a bit of a recap

So, as you have probably noticed this is my first official blog of the semester. I am not proud of this but I would like to officially state that despite my lack of production online there has been quite a bit outside of the cyber world.

I'll begin with saying that this project has already opened me up so much more than what I was prepared for or had anticipated. I have had quite a time here in Richmond feeling like this is my home and getting to know the city itself not just the pieces of it that VCU is able to show me. In the couple of months that I have been working on this project I have already found so much that I had not ever expected. The original idea was to go into different neighborhoods in the city and take family portraits in front of their homes. My hypothesis was that each neighborhood would in fact have quite a different demographic and even a different attitude towards my request. I wanted to get a good mix of the varied architecture as well as economic disparities that occur even within the same block. Much of what I love about Richmond is the history and the sense of pride that people take in calling it their home. While I have never really felt that same sentiment for different reasons I knew that there had to be people out there that did. So i set off with my camera and a recorder in order to keep track of all the addresses, names, and details of what I found because I am the kind of person that has lost her keys for months at a time. Anyway, the first day presented a significant amount of frustrations, it was shit weather and I also didnt really know how i wanted to frame whoever I was able to photograph. I had taken some photos of my neighbor accross the street but I was really hoping for more than single shots because a huge part of what i am trying to find involves the family dynamics as well as the setting. I had driven around for a while, not seeing many people outside and the few times I walked around to talk to people nobody was interested. So i changed plans. I just started walking up to people and asking questions... stupid ones like where other families lived and then went from there. People hate when you want something from them and actually i hate asking so it was really more fun than i had thought to just start talking to people instead of trying to waltz into their homes and get a photo so I could leave again. One older woman agreed to help me but she was really the only taker of the day. I had tried posting on craigslist but to no avail and while I had a really enjoyable Sunday afternoon I was not much closer to the series that was so clear in my head. My second day took me up into Church Hill. This has always been my favorite part of Richmond and I dont know that I could even tell you why. I think perhaps I like the parks or the little town feel that it has in its first few blocks up the hill from ugly Shockoe Slip. Whatever it is I knew that I had to use Church Hill in this project. Another afternoon spent knocking on doors and shooting the shit with people left me with a few new friends but only a handful of new photos. I think I was still suffering from some sort of inhibition at that point. I understand that much of this idea was based upon the assumption that different parts of neighborhoods would have different opinions about Richmond and how the city was being managed or reconstructed. What i didnt properly prepare myself for was that I could be lumped into that. People are skeptical of me and my motives most of the time, I am sure that this is something that I am going to have to become comfortable with or I will get nowhere with the kind of work I want to do. But so far, each afternoon, photos or none I have learned a great deal about what it takes to put myself out there and how to approach people in different situations. The kinds of questions to ask as well as the ones to skip. Even the way i carry myself and especially the clothes im wearing all influence what kind of things people think about me. In some ways its made me far more self conscience but in most its helped me to understand the kinds of signals that I send out without being aware of them.

are you tired of me yet?

So finally I decided to pull the reigns in a bit and hoof it around Oregon Hill, the lovely little community that i call home. I must admit that I knew it would be a challenge considering that much of the outer VCU area consists only of college students like myself who would either be sleeping on a saturday afternoon or already drunk. Im stereotyping of course but I was nothing compared to the "originals" that I ended up coming across. Using my skills of detection I stuck mostly to the manicured lawns that had toys on the porch or at least weren't covered in decaying lawn furniture and PBR cans. Somehow, I managed to meet nearly 7 people that had either lived in Oregon Hill their whole lives or raised their entire families there. I was a bit shocked at this luck but it proved to me what a tight nit place this used to be. Most of them were the only ones left within their families or only had a kid that lived nearby. It was quite depressing actually to hear how close everyone used to be in comparison to what it has become. One woman named Roxanne who didnt want to be photographed told me the most about how the Hill used to look and the people that have come in and changed it. There is a committe called OHIC which was supposed to be in charge of helping residents fix up their old houses but be able to stay in them... I met one woman who felt that OHIC had helped her and the rest all spat on it and wanted to report them to the government. She told me that the neighborhood used to have block parties every weekend and theyd all hang out drinking by a joint called the "Chuck Wagon" which apparently was the place to be. But she said that slowly people started moving out and they couldnt afford the houses once VCU started getting bigger and now the police are around so much that they arent even allowed to be out on their porches anymore. She described it as the redneck neighborhood but said that none of them are left because everything's changed so much. Most of what i heard is that everyone is really disillusioned by what has happened in Oregon Hill. They are sad that the places they grew up with can't get by anymore and that the families that they grew up with have been forced to move because rent has skyrocketed. One of the older women that I spoke with was literally almost in tears as I talked to her. Her housemate/husband/brother/not sure even got made and stormed off the porch. I was in the line of fire on that one but it really made me remember why i wanted to do this project in the first place and how much peoples lives can be changed and often in negative ways. I am feeling good for the first time in a while about all of this and while that afternoon had its really intense moments I feel like this is the kind of effort that I know will be worthwhile and really help to get people thinking. If nothing else, I feel more of a part of this community and I am hopeful that they will see that all us college kids arent so bad after all.

And i might be in Africa this time next year. which is cool.

direction

So after a long semester I have finally seen the movie War Photographer, a documentary following James Nachtwey, one of the most well known war photographers of all time. There have been many questions that this semester has made me face and it was fascinating to get insight into the mind of someone who has been travelling the world for the last 25 years watching every kind of destruction, misery, suffering, and injustice that could possibly exist. While I do not know the direction that photography will take me, i do know that the questions that are discussed within this film are essential to identifying why it is that photojournalists do what they do. It is not difficult to understand why many people would feel that photographers such as Nachtwey, Sebastiao Salgado, and Kadir Von Lohuizen have been questioned and criticized for the work that they do. It could seem that these people have literally made a solid career benefitting from the pain and suffering of others. There are always questions of ethics at hand when there is someone behind the lens and a subject in front of it. Pictures can easily seem aloof and calculating if the photographer isnt constatly aware of his or her placement within the situation and the way that their perspective influences it. As the months have passed and I have spent countless hours looking at the photographs of the people who have decided to make this their life's work the message seems to be the common thread between them all despite their different styles and personal voices. Each has made this their life. It is not an aspect of it, or something that they come and go from, as most would from their jobs everyday. This is something that they life moment to moment. They have all made serious sacrifice in order to show others the atrocities that so quickly become statistics or pages in history books. I think it becomes apparent when the photographer is not passionate about the subject matter, the photos have an emptiness and insincerity that throws itself in front of even the best composition. I have been told over and over that photojournalism requires one to be hungry at all times, to always have something happening and to always find the shot even if it doesnt present itself. The challenge for subject matter such as is dealt with in War Photographer and other similar projects, is that the hunger can alter the motives behind the work. Understanding those that you photograph is essential, becoming a part of their world is essential, understanding the lines that should not be crossed is essential, and holding on to your integrity (whatever that may be for each person) is essential. Already, I have been challenged by the road blocks that present themselves in difficult situations, but these road blocks are revealing themselves to be more of a test. If the desire to make the images is overcome by the doubt that accompanies frustrations, than better to leave them as snapshots within your mind. If you are willing to put the effort in to get the shot, then do it and do it well.
While my current project has not come to light the way id hoped, i am continuing to shoot. This time, focusing only on one subject, Curtis. In addition, I have started several other series in order to see what kinds of avenues I can travel in the meantime. There are countless pieces of Richmond that I have interest in and countless photos that would feel worthwhile to pursue. The past week has really served as a rejuvination in why I began with this project and why I need to force myself to shoot any and everything, just to see where it leads me.

VMFA

I wont pretend that VMFA wasn't a bit of a pain in the ass but the slides came out better than expected and it was worth my time. It felt good to send my work out into the unknown and be pleased with it. Thats a first.

the fine balance

I am really starting to feel this project progressing. Last night i did another shoot with Ronnie at his home in Chesterfield. Unfortunately I didnt get much access because he lives in an assisted living house with several others who had not given the ok to be photographed but im hoping once they get more comfortable with me theyll realize that im not out to make anyone look bad. He also told me that next week is his birthday so hopefully ill be able to stop by the party that they are having for him this weekend and get some shots because that kind of moment is really what is going to be the glue of this story. Tomorrow im going to Curtis' home to shoot him and his family together. It was tough last week to coordinate meeting but thankfully Fall Break has allowed me to really schedule a lot of stuff in the next few days. Ill also be shooting for Style this weekend and starting up a photo essay involving a story that they are working on for next week's issue but I could possibly be involved with for the rest of the internship. I am realizing quickly that my equiptment is not up to par and that there is the harsh reality of needing to upgrade in the immediate future. I have been trying to look at options and figure out what kind of stetup would be ideal for the work I am doing and it is obvious that this will be a very expensive investment. My boss at Style has been encouraging me to do whatever it takes to upgrade because really it is not possible to compete with people using the best and newest gear if you do not have the same. The quality just is not there. It is frustrating to be in this position but I am able to see that this really is necessary in order to get the kinds of shots that I need to build up a solid portfolio that is going to put me above the rest of the people that I am competing with in the job market. I feel that this last couple of months has truly been priceless in terms of the exposure I have had to professionals in the field that I want to go into as well as really learning the ropes of how to market myself and simply be aware of how to put myself and what is to become my brand out there. Being able to show what you can do in a modest but assertive way is essential. I am starting to look into multimedia work as well because many competitions are focusing on this as the way photojournalism is going. I really enjoy the process of meeting the people I am shooting for assignments and adding the interview and audio to the project seems like a rather natural aspect to me. The plan is to get a few soundslides out in the next 4 months and have them ready when I need to apply for jobs come graduation time. This is all fast approaching but im really starting to get a clear plan of action at this point which is helping calm these jittery nerves. Its finally feeling strange when I have nothing to do because I know that there are photo ops im probably missing out on. This past weekend I went to shoot a vigil for one of the recent shooting victims in the Northside and it was one of the first times that I was faced with a lot of the emotions and questions that I know will most likely become commonplace if I really pursue human rights photography. I was the only photographer at the vigil and therefore couldnt simply blend into the background. I found myself really wanting to show the family members that I was trying to be respectful and that I was there because I was interested in their story, not trying to exploit it. I knew from many of my friends how people felt after the Virginia Tech shootings that the media was cold and insensitive so it was incredibly difficult to find myself on the other side of the lens. I know that the unspoken code is to not talk to the subjects but in this situation I simply could not. Finding a way to be sensitive but still get the shot is something that I know I will face again and have to become skillful with. This is something that applies to my project as well. I know that there will be bad days for some of the people that have volunteered and it is so important to me that I respect these people and still find a way to continue the process.

momentum

Today was a busy day but I feel like I was able to see a lot of important things, this time without my camera even entering the equation. This morning my boss Scott was discussing the new setup for the studio space that is being built for the Style Weekly offices as well as looking at the differences in the magazine from one printer to another that the magazine is considering. From what i understood the new location would better suit the needs of the company as well as be in a more central location because now it is just too far out of the way to make sense. The main issue was whether or not the studio would be large enough to shoot as well as store all of the necessary equiptment. He had been promised a certain amount of space but then had found out that much of the guaranteed footage for storage had been readjusted. The editor really want aware of the kind of space that is necessary for a fully functional studio or the amount of storage that is required for the larger tools such as ladders, sawhorses, and lighting equiptment. Changing the printer for the magazine was more interesting in the fact that it was something I had spent some time dealing with, but never really thought of its application beyond my own prints. I am thanking VCU at the moment for my digital phtography classes (particularly 2) because we hammered in color quality and maximizing the images in such detail even if at that point in time I wanted to rip my photoshop book into pieces. The issue often arises with newsprint that the blacks end up being shades of gray and there is typically streaking or wrinkling of some kind. As a photographer, much of the success of the image ends up relying on the aesthetic appeal and quality. If the printer lowers the original quality, then the work loses a significant amount of its strength. Another issue that changing the printer brought up was size. The images themselves would be printed about 1/4 of an inch smaller in any direction, which for a cover photograph can make a large difference. While the saturation and consistency of the new printer was absolutely better, the size concern made it difficult to know which one really would be a better choice. The discussion of having the cover be set up as a bleed came up as well but there needs to be some kind of compensation for the borders and cropping with that as well. The point of all this rambling is that I learned a lot today and realized the importance of the kind of publication that your photos are printed in. While self editing is very important and a great skill to have, sometimes the format in which the photos will be shown can alter their final outcome. It was also a great lesson in understanding how decisions get made at newspapers such as Style, where often the content will get damaged or changed because it can save expenses. As a photographer it is important to voice what things will make your photos look the best because often there are so many other people with other concerns that often overlook that 1/4 of an inch. As far as the project is concerned I will be back at Chester House again this Friday to do some shooting and have been in contact with Becky and viewed some of her work as well as her boyfriend's work online. It was great that she sent me the link, and really interesting to see the kinds of things that they both were inspired by. Im hoping to get to a NAMI sponsored event on Saturday morning for some shots as well as set up a time to visit Ronnie at his home one of these evenings in the next week or so. I am really excited to start getting more time in with everyone and keeping up the momentum on everything can be exhausting but so far I have felt really positive energy from everyone involved and it has kept me going strong.

meet the cast

I returned to the Chester House Friday morning for one final attempt at making some contacts and finding people who were open to working with me on this project. The morning meeting started at 9:30 where they allowed me to make an announcement and explain what I was doing and to offer to stay around and speak with anyone interested. To my surprise five people stepped forward. We all talked for quite a while and I started off by taking some photos of them in their favorite parts of the Chester House. Already my own thoughts are being transformed and I was thrilled at the amount of excitement that everyone seemed to have about what I was doing. Everyone already said that they would be fine with me photographing them in their home environments as well as at chester house or any other location that they may go to. From here on out it is a matter of scheduling times to visit them and start to let them shape the process more as i continue to photograph them.

Curtis:
The first to approach me following the meeting. Incredibly articulate and intelligent but admittedly still struggling with the stigmas of his diagnosis. Lives at home with his parents for now. We talked about his past year and the things that brought him to the Chester House, how his life is changing and has changed. He seems incredibly open and somewhat distanced from the other people at the House.




Jack:
Immediately very warm and the kind of person that everyone seems to enjoy being around and call their friend. Had a lot less questions than most of the others but was up for anything. Works the snack bar with pride.



Becky:
Incredibly timid but very open. Right away she told me that she loved to write and read poetry and was incredibly inspired by nature .She explained that the garden that was being constructed in the back area of Chester House had been her idea in order to honor and remember members who had left or passed away. She told me that she had majored in English but seems to love anything to do with art and personal expression. She mentioned that her boyfriend was a painter and had done portraits of her. Hopefully I will be able to see some of his and her work more, it seems that this could be an incredibly interesting insight into her world.



Ronnie:
An older man who discussed his struggles with getting his medication and a lot of the red tape that people have to go through in order to maintain their regimen of medicine. He lives in an assisted living home and already offered for me to come see it and get photos of the other people there as well as himself. He had great insights into his treatment and seems to have some wonderful perspectives that can teach me a lot.


Cindy:
Cindy did not volunteer herself right away but spoke up as she saw me walking around the facility with Jack as I was talking to him. She let me know right away some very intimate details of her illness as well as the fact that she was a recovering addict. I was amazed at her honesty and willingness to talk about something I assumed wouldnt even be breached until later on. She is very active in the community and teaches coping classes as well as participating in panel discussions with mental health care profeessionals. She invited me to the next meeting she will be involved with which should be a great opportunity to show her in a role that is new for her but something that she is obviously passionate about.

what it takes

The last couple of weeks have been a constant excercise of the amount of effort that it takes in order to do the kind of phtography that I want to do. I have hit a serious wall as far as the project is concerned and have had to make some quick adjustments in hopes that this can still happen. On a better note I have had some great firsthand experience with some shooting at my internship this past couple of weeks as well. I am really getting to see the way things work behind the scenes and am able to see the kinds of assigments and things that a staff photographer is involved with. So while I am quite unbelievably frustrated with all of the effort that seems to be piling up to nothing, I am still able to get some great experiences and do some shooting which is helping me keep my energy up.